..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
