Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize