we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
