I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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