Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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