woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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