YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
