An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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