fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
