Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
