i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I think my moral compass just broke
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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