I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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