I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
