She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
