my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
