If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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