how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
