just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
