We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
