Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
