well you can't waste a boner
nutella sex= disaster
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
