Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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