Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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