Don't make out with my wife yet
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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