theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
