Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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