ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
