i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
