Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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