Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
