so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
