I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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