I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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