So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
