I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
