my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize