is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
