I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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