its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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