The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
