lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
