I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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