you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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