I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Bring me that man meat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
