My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
