toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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