im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
