hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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