What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
