There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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