Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
