somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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