??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
