I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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