THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
