Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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