It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
