She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
