from now on my penis is your penis
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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