Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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