OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
