I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
