i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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