conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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