You can't special order awesome
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
