I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let's get the cat blown out
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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