I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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