The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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