"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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