I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
