my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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