Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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