Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
