All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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