So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
