I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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