i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
