If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just tell him i said nine months
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
