I think I died a long time ago.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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