john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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