He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Come share oat with me in your robe
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
