Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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