did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
